I recognize and freely concede that I am a very big flirt in general. Jim, who is quite the flirt himself, takes it as a compliment when others flirt with me. All of the flirting I do, especially due to my marital state, is with a sole intention of innocent fun. I flirt to haze the recipient, bring about blushes, and to make the other person feel good. And I admittedly love being flirted with in return. For example, I smile EVERY time I get an IM that starts off "Good Morning, Sunshine".
While back in my single days I would flirt a bit more than I do now with my customers; admittedly with the intention of making friends and winning business. I've never been called out on it being a bad or unwanted thing. In fact, my actions normally accomplished what I was after in the first place. A new friend of mine suggested today that I should be flirting a lot more at work. He mentioned that a lot of IT guys, like himself, appreciate a friendly smile, an overly-friendly attitude, and a skirt on an appointment because 1) there aren't many women in technology 2) I can get away with it 3) who doesn't like to be flattered, and 4) it's rarely unappreciated, even if both parties know it's just a game.
Not ironically, this advice is from a person who, though married, has spent quite a bit of energy flirting with me over the past week. Perhaps I'm naive, but because all the flirting I do is innocent (Jim is quite literally one of the best things to ever happen to me & I wouldn't jeopardize that), I assume all the flirting done with me has the same, non-serious objective. How can you tell if flirting is done with serious intent versus just teasing? How far is too far before flirting becomes disrespectful (say to this married person's wife) and the compliments should be cut short by the recipient (in this case me)? Or reversely, how far is it before you start making the other person wonder if you're serious (which of course I never am)?
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11 comments:
Seems like a pretty grey area to me. I don't really have a lot of experience with this topic, as I don't work with many ladies (and don't go for men) but it seems to me that there's probably a fair amount of harmless flirting going on out there. At least you're open and accepting of it and realize limitations, as opposed to someone who hides it and might get carried away.
When you start touching my man in the flirting process, then it's time to kick your ass. Otherwise, flirt all you want. HA!
This comment from the drunk woman who took my hand and had me grope her boyfriend!
If he tries to stick his tongue down your throat or grab your boob, he's serious.
Okay, I want you to note that you said "boyfriend". You can touch my "boyfriend"'s package all you want. My husband...he's another story. Now he's bought goods. You damage him now, I lose out. Before, I was just taking him for a test drive. If he crashed and burned, no loss on my part!
I would have to agree with Lisa on the difference between "boyfriend" and "husband".
What a range of comments here. I think I'm not sure I believe in totally innocent flirting. I know that is going to come as a shock to someone, but it's true. However, it's the understanding of what the limitations are that's truly important. It can really be difficult to be sure the other person understands what those limitations are.
And there are, at times, differing limitations for different social situations. (Anyone that's ever been to a rave knows exactly what I'm talking about, and there are other situations as well.) Most of it though comes back to communication between partners about what's appropriate and what's not.
My take on this...there's a difference between fun and friendly infatuation and the love that it has the potential to lead to. Flirting is harmless when it makes both parties feel good, and is probably actually good for you because it helps up self-esteem, etc.
When it goes beyond that on either side, or makes one party feel uncomfortable, it's gone to far and the uncomfortable person probably needs to say something. Certainly any kind of touchy-feelyness isn't fair game if one or both parties are married.
I could go on and on, to the point where I'd be writing a dissertation, but I think I'll shut up now. :-)
Karen... think about all the flirting we do with each others significant others. That has been going on since we were (to borrow a phrase of Lisa's) "test driving" them. I would agree that the touching and beyond crosses the line. AND I agree with what everyone else has stated to this point.
Dude, I'll say it again just to be funny...don't touch my man and I won't have to break your hands. =P
I just figured out that I'm the only one of us that isn't married.
HANDS OFF MY MAN!
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