Jim and I are in the process of watching Shall We Dance (2004) with Richard Gere and Jenifer Lopez. So far it’s earning a B but we’ve got 40 more minutes to go.
Anyway, there’s a quote in there that Susan Sarandan’s character says that really struck me. This is her answer to “Why do people get married?”:
We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'.
I think this is interesting too in light that the person she’s speaking too initially answered the question with the word “Love”. Really, I think love is partly all that stuff – not just noticing the other person’s life, but actually caring about the outcome.
Nearly every day I ask Jim what he had for lunch and who he ate with. Does this information affect me, especially after the fact, in any way? Of course not. But it’s a moment in his life that I didn’t get to experience with him. A choice, albeit simple, that is a reflection of who he is and what he likes to do. I laugh when he has the same thing 3X in one week. I ask more about the guy he met and dined with for the first time yesterday. I learn more about him by knowing what he did for lunch.
I'm sure you see the other, obvious connection to this quote and blogging. I think that this is the reason we all write and read here on a regular (many times a day?) basis. We appreciate the reassurance that someone is interested in what we’re doing, how our weekend went, the opinions and feelings we have. The validation that someone wants to listen to what we have to say becomes the motivation to keep writing even when we have "nothing" to say.
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14 comments:
That was probably the most uplifting thing I’ve read in 2007 thus far. I always ask myself ‘why would I ever want to get married’ when I think about all the failed relationships around me. I know deep down that I want to more than anything but it also scares me more than it ever did before. I just want to marry someone so they have to give me back massages, make me dinner, run my bath, and are obligated to say ‘you’re beautiful’ when I’m all old and wrinkly. ha I’m just kidding. It really does give me hope when I look at couples like you & Jim (you’re always holding hands!) and gma & gpa wolf and my grandparents. Hopefully I can have atleast half of the love and dedicated that all you guys have!
Karen, you hit the nail on the head with this one. It is about the caring part and knowing that you are there no matter what. You are willing to listen to that person ramble on for hours about nothing just to show them that you care. It's the love too. We all want to be loved and noticed.
To Megan - Yes married life (even getting super serious) is very scary. You are promising the world to this person and are then in return getting the same promise from them as well.
People like my folks who have been married almost 30 years (will be 30 this year in Sept) still hold hands and act like the day they first started dating AND Gma & Gpa Wolf are excellent role models for us novices. We should all aspire to have marriages like those. :-)
I'm very grateful of this land of blogging. Yeah, it's not the same as talking on the phone... but at least I can "talk" to you (and others) in some way every day!
:-)
I wasn't really looking to get married because I wanted someone who'd make me care enough to want to do this, and who'd make me want to drop everything and follow him around the world if needed...found him in Trey. :-)
As much as I HATE Susan Sarandon, the quote is very good, and very accurate I think.
I think about this in regards to the starfish story we've all heard. You know, kid walking down beach, thousands of starfish, picks one up throws it back, someone asks why, there are so many it doesn't make a difference, kid responds that it makes a difference to that one.
I could care less if I make a difference to the world, but I very much care if I make a difference in Jen's life. And that's really all that's important.
I agree with you on both points. Kendall and I talk about the most mundane things, but they're things that remind us that someone else cares enough to ask.
I also agree on the blogging. It is nice to know that others read my blog. What's weird is that I actually feel sad when people don't comment in my blog. Because it makes me think they're not reading it anymore. Even if it's just to say hi, I like to see someone was there.
I enjoy reading about what you are doing because the way you write it always makes it interesting, no matter how simple the subject. Maybe you could be the next "John Boy" (Waltons Mountain Fame.) I believe you have a gift for writing and could really make an impact with it some day. I am talking $$$$$. When your baby girl is born, (that's what I think it is anyway), maybe you could write childrens books, or write about other experiences in you life that could end up really helping someone else some day. I really believe this. Look out "Doubleday", here comes "Karen Girl" from Cincinnati. Or even better, move over "Dr. Phil", and "Rachel Ray" Oprah's got Karen Eutsler on her new TV Talk Show "Livin Life as Best I Know How" It would be so much better than "The View" (Sorry ladies, I think that is one of the dumbest shows on television, especially since they have Ms. Rosie on there now. She really brings the show down a notch or two. My opinion only.) Karens show would be interesting enough for me to watch. So much so that I would have to video tape (my bad, record it on DVD) it every day and watch it later when I get home from work.
i think i'm going to hire dave to be my full-time companion. every time he says something i feel brighter and better about my life and my world. :) Thanks, David!!
My mom gives me that validation. My family and friends notice me, care, and are witnesses to my being. It is something to ponder "why people get married"....What does your spouse give you that your family and friends cannot?
I think you need to shrinky-dink this David guy and carry him around in your pocket. And make recordings to play on an ipod all day. (who needs a husband then???). Maybe you could market him as an action doll, too....with a pull string!
I'm with Martha... can we clone David so we can all have a cheerleader like him?!?!
Mostly I got married 'cause the Navy would give me extra housing $$$ if I did.
Ok...I'm kidding! :-)
And I truly hope Karen never goes on Oprah. She should do her own thing instead.
I will say that Karen has a very talented way of putting into prose what's on her mind.
I don't mind the encouragement for her to write, just not to probe her husband for his thoughts on nebulous topics such as "if you had to write a chapter in my book... what would it cover?" (insert 10 follow-up questions here also). His preference is for more concrete questions like "explain the difference to me again of a Roth IRA vs. a traditional, or tell me again about the principles behind processing crude oil, etc." Remember, he's a simple guy.
oooh, Jim, Please explain the principles of processing crude oil!!
Okay, processing crude oil does not sound simple to me. So I don't think that falls under the category of "simple guy" conversation....hehehe...
A blog about blogs! Gotta love it. What an insightful thought.
As I'm reading your quote, I keep thinking why does this sound so familiar? Had I seen the movie before? Actually, it dawned on me that my ex had actually said that as her reason to finally deciding she wanted to get married (in general).
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