Book Report, Chapter 2

Chapter 2, “The Big Secret of Dealing With People”, says that the only way to make people do anything is to give them what they want and more than anything people want to feel important. Carnegie sites examples of famous historians and their lengths they went to be put on pedestals: Catherine the Great refused to open letters that were not addressed to “Her Imperial Majesty”; lonely people go to the hospital with multiple types of fictional medical problems; millionaires funded Antarctic expeditions with the understanding that the discovered mountain ranges would be named in their honor. Everyone wants to be important.

So how do you make others feel important? Not with flattery. On the bust of a Mexican General, Lavaro Obregon, were these words that echoed the General’s philosophy: “Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you” (p 29). Flattery is cheap and insincere praise and only carries selfish motives.

Appreciation, on the other hand, is sincere and is felt most deeply in the heart of the recipient. Connecting Chapter 1’s theme of biting your tounge, Charles Schwab is quoted as saying “In my wide association in life, meeting with many and great people in various parts of the world, I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism” (p. 25). Telling others of their greatness in an appreciative manner will ignite respect and friendship because it is the only honest way to make someone feel important. Pass on compliments to the chef who prepared your filet exceptionally well, praise the bellhop with your gratefulness for his speedy handling of your bags, tell your child that you’re proud of their good report card. Each has a sincere level of flattery in the core of the statement that makes the other person feel important, but adds the layer of making them feel good that they benefited you in some way too.

One last thing I’d like to mention from Chapter 2: Emerson is quoted on page 31 with a phrase that I reread probably 10 times: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.” This statement couldn’t be more true and I expect that by keeping this ever in mind appreciating others will be second nature.