Yes, I'm still here....
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Relationship balances are often a delicate thing. Taking two people who have completely separate lives before meeting and then trying to blend them together fluidly can be difficult. In talking with Jim about this task, he came up with a great analogy about the choices couples have to make when getting together.
Option 1: Each partner occupies their own silo of a life before getting together. Option 1 states that you continue like this, living on the same “farm” but in separate silos. What this ultimately means is that while each partner continues with their own hobbies, interests, etc., they now have a neighbor to share life with. As an example, separate bank accounts might be kept indefinitely, even through marriage, by people who choose option 1.
Option 2: Each partner continues to dwell in the silo they had before becoming a couple. However, upon coupledom, they build a bridge between the two silos. In this option, individuals continue to do their own things some of the time but fully share resources between them. Partners who choose this option most likely make a point of doing activities together (ie co-ed softball) but also continue with their own individual hobbies as well, even if the other person doesn’t join in.
Option 3: Each person had their own silo when they first got together but each chooses to knock it down and build one giant silo together to fulfill all of their needs. These couples enjoy doing nearly everything together, keep very few secrets from one another, and practice full partnership when it comes to decision-making.
Jim and I both fall into Option 2. Fortunately, we both want Option 2 and there was no dissention between us on how to live our daily lives once we got together. He has softball, I come watch. I have teaching, he stays out of it. I enjoy reading, he sits next to me and reads too. Jim has his CMA studies, I could care less. I cook, he cleans. It’s a good balance.
I think it’d be challenging for couples who disagree on what option to run their relationship in.
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10 comments:
Interesting. I definitely say that I like Option 2 the best. Seperate but very much together and sharing likes and dislikes, hobbies and chores. You and Jim make it look so easy!
I think right now, Tom and are a Option 2 couple. I do think this would be nice for us to discuss and see if we agree as to whether we want to stay here or change options. ;) Good post!!
I think Trey and I are option 2 as well, and I think it's probably the healthiest one anyway. And Megan, it's not easy for anyone, but the strongest marriages will make it look that way. :-)
Thinking a little bit more about option 2 though, I think there are probably some pretty important issues that must be on the "bridge" - the deal breakers. Many are common to almost every couple, but some are more unique. I think that's enough deep thought for a Friday, though. :-)
I would say that i prefer... just not to get married. Girls are scandalous!
so are boys.
I'm going to join a convent and avoid both.
random thought...if you set up your blog so that you don't accept anonymous people (therefore everyone requiring to log in w/ a user name), then perhaps comment moderation can be turned off?
Carole and I are option 3. We share everything together. After being in "one sided" relationships over half of our lives, it is truely a blessing to be able to do just about everything together. I am most happy to share and listen. I learn both ways.
Baby.
Sunday.
Do it.
Martin and I are definetely option 3... But I don't feel bad about it. And there are a few things that we don't really share (he doesn't blog or like to read fiction, I don't like mountain biking).
Maybe it will work out for 7/7/07!!! (I am crossing my fingers)
Danny and I fit into option 2. All marriages take work and I guess the harder you work at it as a couple the easier it seems to those around you. Viki is right about the stuff that has to be on the "bridge".
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