Book Report, Chapter 4

Chapter 4 is entitled “Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere”. The message is: You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Carnegie suggests this based on the theory again that people are first and foremost interested in themselves. For example, when you look at a photograph that you are in, whose picture do you search for first?

People are most comfortable talking about themselves than any other subject for the simple reason that they know themselves better than any subject and can look important (see chapter 2). Listening to others will bring them joy and you respect and admiration for being interested in them. Think about who your closest friends are – are they the ones with the most interesting life? Who’ve traveled far and wide? Who’ve accomplished great things? Or are your great friends the ones you know you can call if you feel lost/frightened/sad/overjoyed? The ones who you know you can count on to be there when you need them; essentially the people who will let you talk about your concerns and experiences and are interested in you (this principle in reverse).

The key here to living this principle is to become GENUINELY interested in people and not just put on psychiatrist sessions to let people ramble on. Some people are so desperate for attention that they will talk to anyone who will listen. While these people will love you too for being their outlet for information, it is the quality people who will appreciate your gesture for what it is and to whom this advice is most beneficial.

Ruth in my office best exemplifies this. Literally as I type she’s practicing this method. A fellow co-worker picked up a second job in the evenings to make some extra money and occupy her time. This, of course, has nothing to do with Ruth in the primary context that the two know one another. Ruth could potentially benefit from this co-worker extending her new employee discount, but that’s not what she asked – she said “Did you get that other job? Good for you! How do you like it?” and sincerely listened for the answer. At the end of the short conversation she wrapped it up with “we don’t get to talk often enough”.

All day, every day, Ruth takes this interest in our clients too and they love her for it. She recognized a gentleman’s voice on the phone yesterday. As I walked by I overheard her ask if the man was the same she had talked to months ago that was going to serve in Iraq. She then asked several follow-up questions about his tour and if he was glad to be home. She thanked him for serving in the military and asked if there was anything else she could do for him. Do you think this person smiled during this conversation? Absolutely. Do you think he’ll stay a client with us for a long time? Absolutely.

Genuine interest is the golden ticket to relationships.