The lesson in this chapter is simply that arguing is pointless. According to Carnegie “Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.”
I think that this concept is most easily seen concerning the abortion debate (whether it’s “right” or “wrong”). This is, from my experience, the subject people have a firm opinion on and to argue over disagreeing opinions is a complete waste of time as any given individual is not going to change their stand.
This idea works on other things too- like when my husband insists on something and I respond “you’re right dear” in “that” tone. Wives everywhere know what I mean.
Anyway, Carnegie’s logic for not arguing in daily personal or professional life is as follows:
You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. (p. 117)
There are also a large number of ways to avoid arguments that I thought were useful. I don’t want to bore you with the list because of length, but check out the BONUS! note below for more info.
In summary: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
BONUS! I went to http://www.dalecarnegie.com/ and saw a link for a free download of Carnegie’s tips. I’m not sure if this is a summary like what I’ve been providing you or if it’s a full electronic version of this book. Regardless, check it out- it’s FREE!
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4 comments:
I disagree. If I worried about hurting other people's feelings or getting into an argument in the first place I'd never be able to do my job correctly. Too many people THINK they know IT, and they will just end up costing their company a ton of money if they try what they want or they will never be able to complete their task because it's not possible. These people don't listen to reason, so an argument is the only way to make things happen sometimes.
That being said, the following statement is the ABSOLUTE best way to get out of an argument:
Tell the person starting the argument that you refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person, and walk away............
:) :) :) :)
Can't wait for Chapter 11, "How to steamroll the suckers that read Chapter 11 and refuse to argue with you!"
And then Chapter 12, "So the whole world thinks you're a bastard...screw em all, your family still loves you!"
And Chapter 13, "OK, so I was wrong about the family loving you thing...but hey, your pets still love you and that's something!"
And chapter 14, "Man, your dog bit you?!? Tough break. Maybe I was wrong about that whole arguing chapter earlier in the book."
And finally, chapter 15, "Hey man, don't blame me, I didn't hold a gun to your head and MAKE you read chapter 11, and hey...what are you doing? Put down the gun...it's cool...put down the gun...we can work it...AHHHH...You shot me! ME, Dale Carnegi....URK!"
Andy Martini
"Flame-proof and Limousine Ready, Baby!"
OMG that last entry cracked me up! I LOVE it! I'd try to come up with my own titles for these chapters, but I just couldn't do them justice after that.
Just a question...how much of this are you actually buying into? And being realistic, how much do you think you can truely follow? Because while I think they're all great concepts, I don't think I could follow even half of them for a week!
I think arguments are different than discussions. Discussions can bring about a positive outcome and understanding on both parties side. Arguments I believe only cause separation and resentment. This may seem like semantics to some, but I really believe this to be true.
Went to Carnegie's website and the book is a 7 pager that lists the different points he appears to discuss in his various books. In order to get to the download, you must put in all of your contact information....
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