I'm on Facebook now which means that people have started to ask to be my friends. At first I was flattered by those who wanted to see what was up to and keep in touch.
Then the remote people started popping up.
You know, those people you didn’t really care about while you were IN high school, much less 10 years later. I'm still scratching my head as to why they care what I'm up to? Or is this really just a game for people to feel popular and have 100+ “friends” listed on their profile?
I got one from a client today that I had to look up - I forgot why the name was even familiar. I'm not convinced I want clients to see my social networking information without spending considerable effort to find it.
We talked about this at length on Friday and Tom P. ironically sent me an article about it that morning. It all goes to show that having friends isn’t always a good thing. Read on….
http://www.wired.com/techbiz/people/magazine/16-11/pl_brown :
Thanks to Facebook, I never lose touch with anyone. And that, my Friend, is a problem.
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7 comments:
I tend to disagree with you.
1) While you may "accept" their friendship, it doesn't mean you actually have to contact them at all. Not even to ask what they've been up to. Or you could leave it as JUST THAT. You look like you care, but you don't. Plus, you may not want to keep up with THEM, but by keeping a line of contact with them, it may get you back with a mutual friend you may have thought about.
2) I find it a great tool to get back with those you actually wanted to keep up with. I would be thrilled to find my old friend, Valerie F on there. To chat with regularly? Nah! But to see how she's doing, what's she's up to - most certainly. And I have been reintroduced to blasts from the past - Lisa and Kassy in particular.
3) I was going through my friend list recently and most people are ones that I don't chat with regularly, but every few months we just check in with each other, make sure life is going well, let them know we're thinking about the other, let them know if we're crossing through town, etc.
4) I've also found facebook is a way for your ex's wife to "befriend" you apparently so she can keep tabs on you. I humor her as I don't want to be the bitch....besides, I can check out their ugly kid in her photos and be amused that their dna produced an ugly kid. I'm sorry, was that catty??
5) It is yet another tool to help me keep in touch with my REAL friends. Living so far away from all my close friends, and with work schedules and lives and 3 hour time differential to boot, it helps. Sometimes it's hard to make the phone call (crap, it's after 10 her time! or Oh, she's at work already) but dropping a line is easy. Plus, facebook stays the same, while people's emails may change with job changes.
6) unfortunately you can't maintain a sense of anonymity, though. Which means it's saved on the www for ever. That part I do not like...
7) I do agree with you, however - if you didn't talk with them for the 4 years you WERE together, why now that you've been apart for over 10 years? I don't think I've had any of those friends look me up (I guess they still don't care!). Just take the compliment that you still cross their mind and you must have had some sort of (positive) impact on their life. :)
hahaha. i want to see a pic of the kid referenced in martha's point #4!
I have had people I don't remember ask to be my friend. I am okay with it. I am unconcerned about random people wanting to be my friend. I kind of like finding out what people are up to that we went to high school with etc.
I agree that just after 10 years, most of these folks who barely cared about you 10 years ago will pretty much feel the same way now, but when you hit the 20 year mark, most of those folks have changed and grown up a little and start to respect you and actually care about what has been going on in your life. I think as we all get older, we start to realize how some of the things we did and thought about were pretty immature, including judging folks without really getting to know them at all. I really noticed the difference at my 20th high school reunion. When I was in high school I really had no social status of any kind and people looked passed me and I had to accept that I was a nerd type in their eyes, especially the girls. I could not get a date for anything because I had a reputation of just being a nice guy. In the mid 70's "nice guys" just didn't cut it. I, like a lot of guys wanted to date the head cheerleader, or homecoming queen, or prom queen, or the new girl that just moved here that was really hot. My problem was that all of the guys wanted to date her too. I never had a chance. I stayed firm though. I never let conformity change who I was. I stood on my pricniples and eventually, it landed me a real honey of a wife that I love very much. Carole married me because of who I am today, but in reality, I am the same person I always was. I did not change, but other people around me did, and I have found I am much more respected for it now. By the time Carole and I went to my 30th reunion, The head cheerleader, the prom queen, and other pretty girls in their day, all wanted to dance with me. Heck I did not even know the names of 2 of the girls from my class who just had to dance with me. The truth is, they saw how pretty and very happy Carole was, and, most importantly, how I treated her, and I later found, that this was the way they wished they were treated, and they wanted what Carole had. Amazing how these same girls would not have a thing to do with me in 1975, but in 2005 I was the DJ for the class reunion, and by nights end, All of the girls (and a few guys, don't even ask) came and sat around me to get a photograph of all of us together. Can you believe it...I had the prom queen sitting on my lap to the left, my wife sitting on my lap to the right and giving me a kiss, and right next to her, the head cheerleader, who politely was asked to move to make room for my wife. Ahhh.... Great day for me..I gotta tell ya!
I've refused people before based on the fact that we barely knew each other in the past. If I don't have at least one significant connection with a person, past or present, I don't say yes. Or invite myself to be their friend. And I'm not ashamed to say, I've deleted people. :)
I like knowing what people are doing without actually having to, you know, talk to them. Like 'so and so works/lives here now and has daughter/son, etc.' I realize that's kinda lame.
I've gotten freelance work out of reconnecting with acquaintances, but that's a good reason to be careful with the profile! Like work colleagues, clients, etc. I was surprised when a relative used a bikini picture on her profile! I mean, professional contacts who may come across you can see that! Even if you don't "friend them"
I admit also, that I have unfriended someone. It's especially difficult with women, you think someone might have gotten married, but they don't use a real picture and then you find out you don't know them... I'm not sure if people are told if you unfriend them, or if you just slink away. That would be a good experiment. But some people just try to hack in to get your info. I am much more careful now to make sure I know who the person is.
I didn't join until I moved, so for me it's a good way to be in touch with all the old work friends, local friends, etc. But I'm not sure I would enjoy it if I saw those people all the time!
Not having ready anyone else's posts...
I joined Facebook, but am hardly ever on it. Fortunately, you can have your messages sent to e-mail. I admit I do really like "finding" people I've lost touch with, especially the I got returned Christmas cards from last year. Hooray to have found them again.
Those random high school people that I barely knew - I think it's annoying that they've sent me friend requests, but I feel rude not accepting them.
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