Right where I should be

I have a hard time believing in the concept of fate. It's my controlling nature to rebel against the thought that someone, anyone, is directing me or taking choices out of my hands. I'm a big Free Will enthusiast.

There are times, however, that I physically feel "just right". When I was about 8 I distinctly remember playing with Barbies near my closet and having this feeling. It was so overwhelming I stopped and just paid attention to it.

When I was a freshman in college Lisa and I got lunch at Rally's and sat on Marycrest Hill soaking up the autumn sunshine. I don't remember if I said anything to her at the time but I knew I was exactly in the right place at the right time. Like I was supposed to be there.

Years later I felt it again with a boyfriend as we laid in bed and listened to the nighttime through an open window in his house.

It happened yesterday with Nicole. We were cuddling on her bed and I had this great feeling of being settled.

(Starting this paragraph for the fourth time...)

If I was forced to put into words the conclusion that stands out most to me I'd say that whatever path I'm on has some places that I need to be at in order to stay on [the right?] path. The four I mentioned above were [apparently?] on that list. Kind of like stops on a subway line- I need to be here at X time in order to keep going.

The level of utter peace I felt at those moments tells me these are positive things- indicators that I've been where I should have been and am headed where I need to head.

The control-freak in me doesn't like that I have a pre-destined path. [I'm picturing my religious readers groaning at me and shaking their heads about now.] The personality traint that's always looking for confirmation rejoices in finding some.

Regardless, I'm always totally happy in that moment so whatever it means I'm glad I'm experiencing them.