- 50 yard dash
- bean bag throw (distance)
- twirling a marshmallow on a string the fastest
- High Jump
- Dropping clothespins held at your nose in a jelly jar
The school gave blue, red and white ribbons for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place in each event. Kids pinned the ribbons to their shirts as we progressed around the different stations. As you can imagine, the athletic kids had 2, 3, 4+ hanging on their chests.
Not once in 8 years of grade school did I win a blue ribbon. I did get a red once in the marshmallow race. I had a handful whites in a variety of things over my tenure.
Maybe because I won something it never really bothered me that I didn't win lots of ribbons. Maybe because I won something I didn't appreciate how frustrating it is for the kids who never won anything.
Maybe it didn't bother me that I didn't have a full collection because I understood then what kids now don't have to understand- we can't all win.
Around my 7th grade year they did away with individual competitions and moved to a team environment. Here the entire school was randomly divided into three teams. Winning scores in the events gave points to your team, not ribbons to the winner. Everyone got a treat for participating.
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I was on the swim team from when I was 8 until I was 17. The collection of ribbons down in my basement are mostly orange, yellow and green because I swam exhibition (fun) races and not the real ones that counted towards my team's point-count. I still pushed it as hard and fast as I could. I still counted on the full-out cheers from my friends and family at the end of the lane and eating at the after-meet pizza party. Sure, I loved competing in the "real" races and even won a few. But, if my girl friend Lori could be our spot in the breast stroke relay or me, I'd pick Lori because she'd earn Orchard Hill points. She was faster. That didn't make her a better person than me. It made her a better swimmer.
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I don't think it's all bad for people (not just kids) to realize that they're not good at some things, whether that's running 50 yards or programming a computer. It *should* lead you to try to find the thing that you *are* really good at- arranging flowers, talking people off ledges, or whatever.
I support swim meets with competitive races and appreciate that they make time for exhibition events too. I support try-out based sports teams and value the community leagues that take everyone else. I support auditions for the lead roles in plays and the opportunities to help build the set for those that still want to be involved. I support teacher-approved Honors classes for the bright kids and lower-intensity classes for the less-gifted students.
I think it's most important for me as a parent to teach my kids that while they might not win everything they try they can not be sore losers. If they really like an activity being involved and having fun where you can is the most important thing. Just because it's not the select team doesn't mean it doesn't have merit and can't be a good time. Further, being in a lower league/class/role is not an excuse for not trying your best.
3 comments:
Well said. I hate that in schools now they lean toward "everybody wins" all the time. Losing happens in life, and you have to know how to deal with not being "the best". Like you said, find what you are good at and don't worry about what you aren't.
I pretty much agree with all of this. I've read critiques lately about how making everyone feel like a winner in everything as a child leads to unrealistic expectations down the road as an adult. There's nothing wrong with having strengths and weaknesses!
I think this is an excellent topic and you make good points on several different levels. As a highly competitive person, I often find myself avoiding activities that I'm not good at, but at the same time encourage my kids to find their strengths and try new things. There is also the concept of 'process vs product', and the benefit (or positive gain) from participating in an activity may greatly outweigh the end result (win or lose).
I think we do a disservice to kids these days by making everyone a winner. Like you said, losing happens, and learning that at a young age is necessary.
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